This feels like a return.
Not a reinvention, not a becoming of something new, but a slow and honest coming back to something that was always there. A remembering of self beneath the layers of expectation, adaptation, and survival.
I’m not sure exactly what clued me into exploring what I will call Embodied Trust & Relational Ecology, however it’s been something that I’ve been drawn to for a long time, I just never knew it.
Throughout the journey of being pregnant, giving birth and having the absolute honour to be the mother of a beautiful soul, I’ve really reconnected with the person that I think was always there but I was ignoring or putting aside to become someone who I thought I needed to be.
Maybe it was societal pressure, maybe it was from many hurt relationships, maybe it was from a perceived notion that I needed to be more, that who I was wasn’t enough…maybe it was because I was afraid of failure or maybe I was afraid of finally letting everyone see who I really was.
Somewhere in early motherhood, the fog lifted and I finally felt free. I think between 12-18 months postpartum is where I think I finally understood that I was no longer the person I used to be and that motherhood had changed me in the best way possible. I felt ready, finally, to let go of what I'd been carrying and breathe life into something new.
The journey into motherhood so far has opened my eyes and I finally see myself, I'm finally listening to my body - really listening. To every ache, every change, I listened, I welcomed it, and I was curious about what it meant. And it left me wondering how I could restore the natural connection, freedom, and movement of my mind and body in new ways.
I've always been curious about who we are, how we came to be, how we got here, how our past has shaped us, how we might actually change but I always thought it was just an interest. I never knew how to move forward with it and I didn't feel confident in what I was doing and I definitely didn't feel comfortable sitting in the unknown.
This is not about the destination. It’s about the return - to my body, to my breath, to my own inner rhythms and to a way of living that feels honest to myself and what I believe in.
I don’t know exactly what this will turn into, and for the first time in my life, I don’t feel the need to know.