Something I have struggled with in my adult life is feeling deeply tired and unmotivated, wanting to relax, but being unable to because of guilt, or the sense that I should be doing something, or that I was forgetting something important.
This was especially intense postpartum, while I was recovering hormonally from breastfeeding and caring for a small child.
Energetically, I was drained. My desire to do things was high, but my ability to plan and execute was almost nonexistent. I couldn't decide what to do next or where to start to feel better. The decisions felt overwhelming. The mess around me felt overwhelming.
It was torture, because all I wanted was to rest and stop thinking, but I couldn't relax while everything felt unfinished. I wanted to complete things. To tidy them. To make them right.
That agitation without movement is horrible. And every time I found myself in it, I just wanted out as quickly as possible.
Lying down removed physical movement, but it didn't reduce my mental load. My thoughts kept looping, everything I needed to do, everything I didn't have the energy for, while I tried to convince myself to let it go, to rest, to remember there would be another day for chores or perfection.
But my brain stayed stuck in the same loop.
Eventually, I discovered something simple that changed everything. I asked myself: what could I do in two minutes?
Even if the task wasn't finished. Even if it wasn't perfect. Closing just one small loop helped.
I would choose one surface that was agitating me, gather the stray items, put them into a box, take the box into a room we don't use often, and shut the door.
That was enough to feel like I was coming back to myself again.
One small loop closed. Enough to either keep going, or to finally rest.